by @Vincinnatus
Once upon a time, zombies were confined to late-night horror flicks and binge-worthy TV shows like The Walking Dead. We thrilled at the collapse of society, where survivors fought off a mindless mob, incapable of reason and driven only by primal instinct. It was all in good fun—until the ghouls climbed out of our screens and into our political landscape. Now, in a case of life imitating art, America is grappling with its own zombie apocalypse. And make no mistake: the MAGA faithful are staggering through their social media echo chambers, impervious to facts, immune to logic, and fueled by grievance.
Much like their fictional counterparts, MAGA zombies shuffle through an alternate reality. This is a world where Donald Trump is both an infallible god-king and a perpetual victim. It’s a universe where elections are only legitimate if their man wins, and vaccines—the same ones Trump brags about pushing through—are a sinister plot to cull the faithful. The contradictions don’t matter. What matters is loyalty to the man at the center of their world. He could claim that solar panels steal the sun’s energy, and the swarm of sycophants would eagerly don tinfoil hats to protect themselves from photon theft.
What separates the MAGA zombie from your run-of-the-mill political partisan is their complete rejection of reason. Gone are the days when political movements were anchored in ideas or principles. MAGA isn’t about conservatism or even populism; it’s about fealty to Trump, a man whose sole ideology is himself. The MAGA Industrial Complex—comprising influencers, grifters, and conservative media opportunists—profits handsomely from this blind allegiance. They feed the devilkins a steady diet of conspiracy theories, outrage porn, and false promises, ensuring their flock remains well-fed and ready to mobilize.
Consider the irony of their greatest existential fear: the COVID-19 vaccine. To hear them tell it, the vaccine is a toxic cocktail designed by global elites to depopulate the planet. And yet, they revere the man who not only championed its development but still complains he doesn’t get enough credit for it. It’s like watching someone angrily denounce a fire that’s consuming their house while worshiping the arsonist who lit the match.
This isn’t just a quirky subculture. MAGA zombies have already shown us the danger they pose. On January 6, 2021, they stormed the Capitol, convinced they were defending democracy by undermining it. The insurrection was a culmination of months of indoctrination, where Trump’s lies about a “stolen election” were repeated and amplified until reality itself was an enemy to be vanquished. That day should have shattered the illusion. Instead, it’s become a rallying cry.
What’s most terrifying is their resilience. Like monsters in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, they don’t stop. No matter how many times you show them videos of Trump’s own words contradicting their beliefs or exposing his true intentions, they brush it off with cries of “Bad advisors!” or “What he meant was…” The excuses are endless. They are unshakable in their devotion, following him ever deeper into the abyss of ignorance and absurdity.
The question now is, how do we break the spell? How do you deprogram millions of people trapped in a cult of personality? In the movies, you stop an outbreak of the undead by destroying the source of infection. But in reality, the MAGA Industrial Complex shows no signs of slowing down. They have too much to gain from keeping the cult in a state of perpetual rage and fear. Their survival hinges on keeping the horde mindless.
The stakes couldn’t be higher. America cannot endure as a nation divided between those who live in reality and those who inhabit MAGA’s fantasy world. If we don’t find a way to wake the ghoulies, their vacuous rampage will continue, plunging the rest of us into chaos. Unlike the movies, there’s no heroic band of survivors coming to save the day. It’s up to us to fight for reason and truth before those same Walking Dead overrun us all.